Redneck humor
August 13, 2002

You Might Be A Redneck If:

You take your dog for a walk & you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

You come back from the dump with more than you brought.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

Your father performs the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

You consider your license plate personalized because your daddy made it.

Your lifetime goal's to own a fireworks stand.

You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

You have a complete set of matched salad bowls that all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of Wal-mart.

Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"

You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

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