Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a while...it isn't so hot.
If you're playing in a poker game, and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days that no one talks about seeing UFSs like they used to?
Why does a slight tax increase cost us $200 and a substantial tax cut save us 30-cents?
How do you define a nice family restaurant?--Every table has an argument going.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession, but it certainly bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Doctors can be so frustrating. You wait two months for an appointment for one, and he tells you, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."