Quack, quack, bow, wow
February 14, 2003
The stores are out of duck tape. That's what Regis Philbin told his audience. The morning show host was referring to New Yorkers' response to the government's warning that there might be "dirty" bombs set off in the city yesterday. Several Lowe's and Home Depot stores in other areas reported the same run on duck tape and plastic sheeting.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) in its report "Are you Ready? A Guide for Citizen Preparedness" listed duck tape and a pair of scissors among other items to have ready in preparing for a national security emergency, including this type of chemical, nuclear or biological attack.

The media yesterday announced that citizens, especially in the New York and Washington, D.C. areas should have available a 3-day supply of food and be able to tape up their windows and other air emitting sources in the event of an attack. Today the media warned everyone that cutting off the air supply by using the tape and plastic sheeting might prove to be fatal in its own right.

Henkel Consumers Adhesives has announced that "Due to the heightened demand and accelerated sales of duct tape as a result of the Department of Homeland Security's recommendation to keep duct tape on-hand in preparing for a biological attack, (we have) increased duct tape production by 40%." The leading manufacturer of duck tape is Manco, Inc., one of the companies included in the Henkel Group, a German conglomerate that trades over the counter in the United States. We leave you to conclude who made money on their stock.

President Bush raised the Homeland Security Advisory System threat level to High Condition (orange) last Friday. The new level, only topped by a Severe Condition (red) to signify the greatest danger, was announced by Attorney Genernal John Ashcroft and Home Security Secretary, Tom Ridge.

Somebody from the government must have yelled, "April's Fools" today. The only people, though, who must be laughing are the terrorists who leaked the information that caused the panic. Millions of dollars have been drained from an otherwise shaky economy on both the local and national levels to prepare for the heightened alert.

The government's announcement also came at a time when anti-war protestors will be taking to the streets on February 15 to show support for a peaceful solution to the Iraqi disarmament. The cynics among us cannot help but think that the government's "Wag the Dog" methodology was meant to defuse the effect of the demonstrations for peace worldwide and coalesce popular support for an invasion of Iraq.

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Why NY-ers aren't laffingmisterd118402003-02-19 12:59:37