• Sadamm was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

• Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to the spirit of international harmony.

• A woman can't be trusted with making decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulations.

• Jesus loves you and shares your hatred for homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

• The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veteran's benefits and combat pay.

• If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

• Providing healthcare to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing healthcare to all Americans is socialism.

• HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

• Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

• A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which Iraqi citizens die is solid defense policy.

• Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

• The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

• Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative talk show host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

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