Lots of Teddy bear hugs often are needed in times of grieving, especially during the holidays. Kris Paapanen, founder and now executive director of KAPstone House, has provided an environment where children, teens, and their families in the Joplin area can come to share their grief over the death of a loved one and benefit from a caring and supportive environment.
"The Teddy bear's 'tear' is a symbol that 'always be happy' doesn't work," Paapanen said. She spoke of how children in the Duquesne school district were assisted in understanding the death of a young classmate by offering opportunities for them to express their emotions and understand their own feelings. She said she gave the book, Sad Isn't Bad by Michaelene Mundy and R.W. Alley, to the teacher and called it a good source for explaining such a difficult subject. This was an opportunity for Paapanen on behalf of KAPstone House to reach out to members of the community and to help spread grief awareness.
While a resident of Kansas City, Paapanen formed the idea of KAPstone House after the death of her younger sister. She attended grief sessions at Solace House in K.C., remained as a volunteer facilitator working with 5-8 year olds before the idea came to her to start a similar center in Joplin. The name KAPstone was chosen as a tribute to her sister Kimberly Anne Paapanen as well as through the meaning of "capstone" as a "crowning achievement."
Description of activities
Part of the KAPstone program includes art as a major vehicle for self-expression. Paapanen said that the theme for art displayed in their central hallway was given to her by her mom who is fond of a Biblical passage from the Book of Ecclesiastes, the King James Version: To everything there is a season...and a time for every purpose under heaven. It lends credence to the idea that death is a natural consequence of life and that there is a time for grieving like there is a time for doing happier things.
Four times a year children in the program help change the display on the walls in this seasonal hallway. For the winter season each of the children have been asked to make a snowflake as an expression of their feelings or as a remembrance of a lost loved one.
The Garden Room is one of the themed rooms in KAPstone House designed by its founder, Kris Kaapanen. A Remembrance Tree sits in the corner of the room allowing sunlight to dance around it.
While there are specific programs scheduled for most of the holidays, other events are planned to fill the time in between. "Story Time" affords families an opportunity to get together. Participants work on a scrapbook page for the KAPstone Family Scrapbook during Remembrance Night, a time to stress togetherness within the group and remembrance of loved ones. A Remembrance Tree also has been set up for all family members and volunteers to decorate with something of special significance to each of them.
A new support group named Ecrovid! ("divorce" spelled backwards) recently became part of the program. Through discussions led by trained volunteers, Ecrovid! deals directly with the grief that coincides with separation/divorce in a family. Children, ages three and older, will be in their own support groups while adults meet separately.
Inviting environment
With a degree in environmental science and experience in commercial interior design, Paapanen has done a remarkable job in converting the six-plus rooms of a former antiques shop into a themed environment. With 4-7 year olds, 8-12 year olds, teens and adults often meeting separately, she created rooms that would appeal to the various age groups. Quite impressive is the safari room created with teens in mind.
A major fixture in the house is a young, highly adventuresome kitten named Roxie. Long-legged like a Rockette, Roxie, who is now about a year old, was discovered underneath the house.
Roxie has been spoiled by the attention she gets. Sometimes her curiosity gets her into trouble. But knowing that scientists the world over have established beyond a doubt the therapeutic value of having a pet around, it is no wonder that petting Roxy creates a sense of calm and satisfies the primordial need to touch.
Stan Heater, KAPstone's landlord, says he has a good relationship with Paapanen, whom he describes as someone who has "proved to be a very honest person". "KAPstone is a great thing...not in Joplin before...a service Joplin needed for sure," commented Heater, admitting that Paapanen's decorating talent immensely improved his Joplin property at 2004 S. Joplin St.
Perhaps, the most welcoming room is the kitchen/office. A door leading from the small parking area out back opens up into the black and white floor tiled room where the coffee pot always is on.
Currently steps lead up to that side door but that inconvenience for anyone physically challenged is about to be remedied by a boy scout seeking to become an eagle scout. Kyle Richins, a member of troop 24 and the Joplin High School class of 2008, phoned KAPstone to see if there were a project they needed. Lucky to be the first one called, Paapanen mentioned the need for the construction of a ramp, a community service project that definitely fits Richins' eagle scout requirement.
Scott Clayton, a contractor, has offered to help with the project, Richins said. The teen hopes that he will be able to find donors for the materials needed.
In addition to Paapanen, KAPstone's board of directors includes Janice Ferguson, Jay Fischler, Sarah McConnell and Vicki Robson. A non-profit organization, KAPstone relies on the efforts of community volunteers to become grief facilitators, fill their wish lists or do indepedendent fund-raising.
The MOMS Club of Joplin is an organization that has lent its support. They are donating to KAPstone House all profits from the sale of Homemade with Love, a loose-leaf cookbook containing recipes submitted by members and friends. A great Christmas gift, besides mouth-watering recipes, the book includes cooking tips, definitions, baking secrets and how to fold napkins into attractive shapes.
"We chose KAPstone House because of the work they do for children, and we wanted to support their relatively new organization," according to Renee Motazedi, MOMS Club president. "We felt there were so many great cooks among us that we wanted to share it with the community as well as each other. Our International bylaws require that we do a service project once a year for not for profit organizations that benefit children."
For more information about ordering the cookbook, how you might assist KAPstone in its mission, or how to join the program, phone (417) 206-4700 or send an email.
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